It was early 2022 when things started to turn around and get interesting. Since my crippling chronic fatigue in 2017 I hadn't been able to get out of a state of suspended animation where I was living a rather hollow existence. Most of my time I'd just sit around home and do hardly anything because I knew if I tried to go anywhere or put energy towards learning something new I'd just burn out again. I was utterly stuck and didn't know what to do with myself.
Strangely, the turning point came after a dream. For some reason I've had some rare occasions where my dreams have been incredibly impactful, moreso that anything in the waking world. This particular one was short but very powerful. I was facing a woman (probably old enough to be my mother) who had an intense aura about her. The feeling was like that she was sick of me being unable to figure things out for myself so she, in her frustration, decided to take things into her own hands. She just started coming towards me like she was merging into me in a forceful kind of way. I was terrified by the intensity of her energy but all I could do was let go so I did that and she cut me in half from head to toe and disappeared. It sounds horrible but actually what happened was that she separated my body out to the sides and I was left existing as the emptiness inbetween. This emptiness was no different to the emptiness I had experienced before but this time it was there by itself, or perhaps I could say I was there by myself.
It sounds quite profound, and in hindsight it was, but at the time it just felt like I was reminded of the importance of the spiritual path that I had long abandoned. The emptiness wasn't a stranger to me and I could still feel it after I woke from the dream; inside me and all around me. After this I made a resolution that I'd get back on the spiritual path and make it a priority. It was the only thing that made any sense to do. No more trying to reinvent my career path, no more trying to make music, no more planning anything, no more entertainment (easier said than done), and no more continuation of any old toxic habits or addictions including social media. I hadn't found a clear path at this stage but the path would become increasingly clearer in the following months.
To be continued in "The Initiation"